(First published 2014)
As is obvious to anyone with anyone with even half a brain that my writing is a sideline for me… an adjunct to my training and just a way of emptying the filing cabinets of my mind of the stuff I accumulate, observe and admire in my travels. To that end most of it is descriptive rather than prescriptive. But as a nod to my (nearly two) decades describing in the bar business and as a result of some recent observations I feel compelled to get on my soap box, draw a line in the sand and hold my piece no more.
I started bartending in 2 B.C.… that’s two years before cranberry juice was available widely in the UK. In my day (god I sound old saying that) a Long Island Iced Tea was a sophisticated drink and a Woo Woo was about as mixological as it got. So we as bartenders did not have such a repertoire of drinks or products to make a guest’s evening (as in “a barman makes your drinks, a bartender makes your evening”) that today’s intoxicologists have. We had to use a totally different range of skills to earn our money: conversation, attentive service, sense of humour. We were not Mixologists, cocktailians, drinksmiths, spirit technicians or bar chefs… we were bartenders and could pour you a glass of water and make you think it was a good bar.
In my time I have seen many changes and ages in ‘modern bartending’. First in the mid 1990s came the “Age of Ingredients” with the sudden use of fresh ingredients and fresh fruits in particular but also a rise in the range of products available with authentic Eastern vodkas, aged rums, aged tequila, decent bourbon and crafted liqueurs… Purees also started to make an appearance as well as fruits and herbs of all different varieties.
This led to the second age in around 2000 the “Age of Technique” as the rise in new ingredient led to a re-assessment of techniques and especially those techniques that our unfortunate brothers in the kitchen use with muddling coming to the fore but also rolling, throwing, foaming, gel-ing, caviar-making and the like.
Most recently we have seen “The Age of Scrutiny and Authenticity” where it is no longer enough to make a simple Cocktail… it must have a full historical provenance and use at least 1 re-creation of a long lost product (bitters being a prime example). Cocktail lists now come from the oldest school with Crustas and Golden Fizzes and Rickeys and the like. Accepted histories and stories are being torn down and challenged but we all know exactly how old the Cocktail is to the Day (May 13th 1806 of course).
But in all this remembering and all this research and all this experimentation I fear we have forgotten that drinking (and hence bars) is supposed to be fun and enjoyable. We don’t just go to bars for history lessons, fabulous flavours and delicious drinks. We go to feel welcome, comfortable, important. We go to be entertained and have fun… and the bartender must remember that and figure out how best to achieve that for each and every guest.
Firstly personality goes a long way… the great bartenders in history were and still are the sort of characters you would not mind being stuck in a lift with. A wide range of conversational topics, the ability to remember names/faces and an interest in people are all necessary attributes… remember that although they are civilians they are also guests and not customers.
Secondly the ability to use language in an interesting way in order to personalise an experience and also to be a more creative salesman. The purchase and use of a thesaurus will be hugely beneficial. I personally also have a lot of admiration for the Soda Jerks in America in the 1930s who developed a whole code/language to be able to talk in front of guests and managers… the term 86 (meaning out of stock) is a legacy of that. Also the bartenders should be a Toast Master of sorts with a ready slew of short, pity, witty and memorable toasts… “May the best of our past be the worst of our future” is my current choice tho with some of the drinks I have had recently the backhanded toast “may we never drink worse that this” is sadly all too frequent.
Knowing some of the stories behind the invention/naming of drinks is also a useful attribute. A shot of Tequila served with a cigarette is called a Robert Mitchum (as this was the last thing he consumed before he died) and knowing that will sell far more of them than knowing the size of the staves in the barrel that aged the tequila… and lets try and be careful with our naming of drinks so that they leap off the menu and engage the guest with humour and impact… “Let me take you to a Glayva” is my current favourite…(after the Electric Six tune) though the drink W.Y.B.M.A.D.I.I.T.Y* is awesome too
The ‘delivery’ of the drink is also a very easy way to make the whole experience more fun. Hollowed out pineapples, drilled coconuts and Volcano bowls are now being seen around the world and I challenge anyone to drink from one without a grin.. Pimp my Drink is a trend that still has legs and the Treasure Chest from Mahiki is one of their best selling drinks, even at 100 pounds a throw. My own personal fave is the Cecil Baker where the recipe for the drink includes a requirement for the bartender to make up an outrageous explanation for who Cecil Baker was…I have been told it is the name that Robert DeNiro checks into hotels under as well is being the name of Brad Pitt’s “bottom double”….
The last bit is to merely reflect and remember the sheer madness that is drinking intoxicating drinks. From the Droodle (a half doodle, half riddle art form developed for the cocktail napkin) to the Martini Sandwich (a small beer, a dry martini then a small beer) fun is had on the other side of the bar all the time. We run the risk as ‘mixologists’ of taking ourselves, or more importantly the drink, far too seriously… and as you can tell, I for one am not a fan of that at all….
* Will You Buy Me A Drink If I Tell You